On independence, menopause, and the longing for connection

Yesterday, I realized I’ve become a bit of a hermit—that I don’t seek company and that I’m completely fine being by myself. I don’t feel the need to go out or talk to friends, not even close ones. I simply no longer reach for people.

There’s a small sadness in that; this independence can feel overamplified.

Becoming Totally Independent

Becoming totally independent—no longer emotionally steered by other people’s needs, wishes, or demands—makes me step back. I try not to be affected, which means very few things reach me on a deep level anymore.

At the same time, I’m more emotional because of menopause. Hormones and feelings are swirling. Over the past few months, the hormonal imbalance—driven by both physical and emotional stress—has become more noticeable.

Now I notice emotional exhaustion most, with a layer of physical fatigue.

The Body Speaks More Clearly Now

The physical fatigue is improving.

It’s clearest in moments like these: when I need to eat, to add enough fuel to get through everyday life; how often and how quickly my body needs sleep and rest to recover. These patterns are clearer now. I can’t ignore or override them the way I used to. For so many years, I overrode myself.

Lately there have been more hot flashes. Some night sweats, or waves of sweating—typical menopause. It helps when I eat smaller, better-balanced meals, avoid alcohol, and exercise daily—aiming for movement that isn’t stressful or straining.

I notice more joint pain again, especially in my lower back. My breasts are more tender and swollen. Typical menopausal symptoms that wax and wane.

Health and Wellbeing in Transition

Wellbeing right now is complicated. I take care of my body. I listen to it more than ever. I know what it needs. But emotional wellbeing is harder to navigate. How do you feel when independence is so total, when nothing really reaches in anymore?

I’m managing my physical health better than ever. Emotionally, it’s as if I don’t feel much at all—neither the bad nor the good.

The Real Demands of Menopause

Menopause has been more demanding than I imagined.

It’s not just about hot flashes and irregular periods. It’s a total transition. The body changes. Hormones upend everything. Energy levels swing. Sleep becomes unpredictable. But the emotional part is the hardest.

There’s the paradox of becoming hyper-independent while simultaneously missing connection—wanting to feel emotionally close. I’ve learned not to need anyone. Maybe that’s why I feel that small sadness when I realize I’ve become a hermit content with solitude.

The transition has been brutal in a quiet way—demanding, exhausting—a slow shift on many levels at once, hard to keep up with.

I no longer know whether I chose this independence or it chose me.

Maybe this is what menopause looks like for me: a period of withdrawal, reassessment, and rebuilding—of my relationship with myself, my body, and others.

The longing to dare to meet people again is there, for when the body’s and soul’s transition has settled. But right now? Right now I’m a hermit—content in my solitude, a bit sad about it, yet accepting the present moment.

What’s your experience of menopause? Do you recognize this balance between independence and longing for connection?

*Thoughts written down in autumn 2024 or spring 2025. Shared almost a year later.

Concept and first draft by the author; developmental edits in Claude AI; copy-editing and structural polishing in ChatGPT.